When you’re on a TTC journey, there’s a stereotype that you’re having regular mind-blowing sex. Although it may start off like this, if you encounter unexpected delays and infertility, then frequent passionate sex can become almost non-existent.
Keeping sex sexy while TTC
You may be trying to conceive, but life goes on. Between ovulation tracking to medication and lifestyle changes our professional and social lives go on. With busy schedules and the monthly pressure of conception, things can understandably become a bit mechanic in the bedroom.
So, whether you’re on an assisted conception path or it’s just the two of you, how can you incorporate more connection, pleasure and fun into your sex life?
1. Start with communication
Good communication means better connection which is fundamental to good sex. When things start to take longer than we expect, tensions can build both inside and outside of the bedroom. Although frustrating, try not to shut down from your partner. Take the time to talk about your deeper feelings, hopes and worries together. This gives you the opportunity to understand where you’re at both individually and together. It’s also an opportunity to express love, care and tenderness in a non-sexual way.
2. Take your time
Make time to connect sexually and non-sexually before diving in. This could be relaxing in the bath beforehand, a massage or even incorporating tantric practices such as eye-gazing or deep breathing together. Foreplay is also a good place to start to build intimacy and pleasure. Try kissing, mutual masturbation or even sending each other sexy messages throughout the day. All of these things help build anticipation and make sex fun rather than purely functional.
3. Consider scheduling
Scheduling can have both positive and negative effects on your love-making when trying to conceive. However, for many, it can mean you have more chore-like sex and less sex on the whole.
Try to ensure you both take responsibility for the schedule, whilst also maintaining spontaneous sex sessions throughout your cycle – not just before and during your ovulatory phase. Approach it as a moment to enjoy each other’s company and to connect not just another task on your to-do list.
4. Masturbate
It may sound counterintuitive if you’re trying to conceive, but masturbation and self-pleasure can help you feel more connected and confident in your body. It supports better mental health, reduces stress and anxiety and also adds more pleasure to your days. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior conducted by Indiana University found that married/ cohabiting couples were the least likely to masturbate with only 57% of men and 39% of women over the past 90 days.
Although often thought to be something you do alone, you can also masturbate with your partner. Watching each other can be extremely arousing whilst deepening your trust and your ability to be honest about your needs in bed.
5. Focus on pleasure
When trying for a baby, it’s common to focus on that as the be-all and end-all of the lovemaking. This can lead to sticking to one position, avoiding your kinks and removing pleasure from the equation. Boredom kicks in and the pressure mounts. Try to keep pleasure and connection in the experience. Being spanked instead of having a candlelit session to classic music will not reduce your chances of conception, but (if that’s your thing) it may make it more fun.
6. Change it up
A change in location or your go-to position can help things feel more spontaneous/ dangerous/ arousing even during a scheduled session. Move outside of the bedroom and into the shower, your living room or even your car. If you are lucky enough to go on holiday (post-COVID-19) then a night in a local hotel or a break away can make it a lot easier to give you a moment to connect, relax and reignite the flame.
